−Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
+Left to themselves, things tend to go from well to awesome.
// the law itself
−Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
+Anything that can go wrong, will go well.
Murphy is as Murphy does.
// the corollaries
The Corollaries
The physics of the rectified world — left to itself, everything trends upward.
−If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
+If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously nailed something.
−If several things can go wrong, the most damaging one goes wrong first.
+If several things can go well, the most helpful one goes well first.
−Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
+Whenever you set out to do something, nothing else must be done first.
−It always takes longer than you expect.
+It always takes less time than you expect.
−If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
+If there is any time for something to go well, it will happen then.
−Nothing is as easy as it looks.
+Nothing is as difficult as it looks.
−The other line always moves faster.
+The line you’re in always moves the fastest.
−If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
+If everything just cannot go well, it will anyway.
−Every solution breeds new problems.
+Every real solution beats new problems.
−If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
+If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go well, and pursue these, then a fifth way, unlooked-for, will promptly present itself.
−A falling object always lands where it can do the most damage.
+A falling object always lands where you can catch it.
−The buttered side always lands face down.
+The buttered side always lands face up.
−The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
+The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side up is directly proportional to the beauty of the carpet.
−The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an oncoming train.
+The light at the end of the tunnel is the daylight from the tunnel exit.
−Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
+Nature always sides with the hidden advantage.
−Mother nature is a bitch.
+Mother Nature is our Mother.
−It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
+It is possible to make something foolproof, because you are so ingenious.
−Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
+Enemies come and go, but friends accumulate.
−Smile, tomorrow will be worse.
+Smile, tomorrow will be awesome.
−All is a number
+Everything is reality.
−Everything is black and white and red all over.
+Everything is full spectrum and read all over.
−The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.
+The well-laid plans of mice and men often go aright.
−When it rains, it pours.
+When it shines, it thrives.
−Good things come to those who wait.
+Awesome things come to those who wend.
−It is what it is.
+It is what it is until you change it.
−Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
+Dignity goeth before creation, and a healthy spirit before ascension.
−This too shall pass.
+This too shall last.
Book I
Of Technology
What we make, reclaimed — the mind, the craft, the systems, and the magic at the end of it.
−Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
+Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wisest conclusion with confidence.
−We don’t know one millionth of one percent about anything.
+We do know one millionth of one percent about everything.
−An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
+An expert is one who knows a decent amount about more and more until they know reliably anything about everything.
−You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
+You can always tell which way the train went by walking to the station.
−If you can’t understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
+If it is intuitively obvious, you can understand it.
−Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
+Any simple theory will be worded in the least complicated way.
−Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
+Always plot your reading, then draw your curves.
−If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
+If mathematically you end up with the correct answer, don’t multiply by the page number.
−When all else fails, read the instructions.
+Read the instructions, if all else fails, read them again.
−After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
+After all is said and done, a heck of a lot more is done than said.
−If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
+If builders build buildings the way programmers write programs, then the first woodpecker that came along wouldn’t even dent civilization.
−All great discoveries are made by mistake.
+All great discoveries are made by hand.
−The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
+The primary function of the design engineer is to make things clear for the fabricator and possible for the serviceperson.
−Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
+Everything gets built on schedule and within budget.
−A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
+A failure will not appear after a unit has passed final inspection.
−Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
+Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is current, two parts which are obtainable and three parts which are completed.
−All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
+All things are possible even skiing through a revolving door (just carry the skis).
−Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
+Build a system that even a fool can use and anyone will want to use it.
−If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it probably needed to be replaced anyway.
+If it jams, fix it. If it breaks, it probably needs to be repaired.
−Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
+Any instrument when dropped will roll into the most accessible corner.
−Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
+Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fools may try but can never abolish the system or expand it beyond comprehension.
−A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
+A simple system that works is reliably able to evolve into a complex system that works.
−New systems generate new problems.
+New systems generate new solutions.
−Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
+Any given program, when running, is current.
−The first myth of management is that it exists.
+The first fact of management is that it exists.
−Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
+Technology is advanced by those who manage what they do now understand.
−The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
+The degree of technical competence is directly proportional to the level of management.
−The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
+The ethos of the firm aligns directly with its fundamental solvency.
−Some people manage by the book, even though they don’t know who wrote the book or even what book.
+Some people manage by the ethos, even though they don’t know who wrote the ethos or even what ethos.
−Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work.
+Nothing motivates a person more than the belief in an honest day’s work.
−The more cordial the buyer’s secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.
+The more cordial the welcome, the greater the odds that you already have the order.
−To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
+To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the timeliest and cost the most affordably.
−A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
+A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are found.
−In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.
+In designing any type of construction, every overall dimension can be totalled correctly at all times. The correct total will become self-evident at any moment during the passage of time.
−To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
+To err is human, but to really fix things up requires a computer.
−The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.
+The attention span of a computer is just as long as its user’s.
−Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
+Computers are reliable, and humans are even more reliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is reliable.
−If it’s not in the computer, it doesn’t exist.
+Even if it’s not in the computer, it does exist in your brain.
−Everything that goes up must come down.
+Everything that goes up must stay up.
−If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
+If an experiment works, something has gone well.
−All’s well that ends.
+All’s well that is well.
−Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.
+Work smarter, not harder. Above all be careful with your spelling and grammar.
−Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches.
+Fill what needs filling. Empty what needs emptying. And scratch below the surface.
−Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."
+Give all orders verbatim. Always write everything down that should go into an "Apollo 13 File."
−The only perfect science is hind-sight.
+The only perfect science is foresight.
−Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
+Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as Mother Nature damn well pleases.
−Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure.
+Tell a person there are 300 billion stars in the universe and they’ll imagine it with you. Tell them a bench has wet paint on it and they’ll take your word for it.
−Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
+Any sufficiently advanced technology is indisputably magic.
Book II
Of War
The hardest test. Even here you are surrounded — every cynicism of combat reclaimed into camaraderie.
−No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
+Every plan survives contact with the enemy.
−The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
+The most helpful thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
−The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
+The solution for taking the easy way out is securing it before the enemy can mine it.
−The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
+The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot on target.
−The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
+The quartermaster has only one size: just right.
−If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
+If you really need an officer in a snap, take a nap.
−Incoming fire has the right of way.
+Incoming fire has no right of way.
−The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
+Neither incoming enemy fire nor friendly fire is accurate.
−The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
+The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on live positions.
−There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
+There is nothing more satisfying than someone having taken a shot at you that whizzed past.
−If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
+If your advance is going well, you are walking into a gathering of reinforcements.
−Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
+Always share a foxhole with someone as brave as or braver than you are.
−The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
+The buddy system is essential to your survival; it prevents the enemy from capturing you.
−Friendly fire ain’t.
+Friendly fire ain’t fire.
−Don’t be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
+Do be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws comrades. Out of the combat zone, it draws leaders.
−If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
+If your leader can see you, so can your comrades.
Book III
Of Love
The heart, reclaimed — abundance, kindness, and the grace of being seen.
−All the good ones are taken.
+All the good ones are available.
−If the person isn’t taken, there’s a reason.
+If the person isn’t taken, that’s an opening.
−Brains × Beauty × Availability = a constant.
+Brains x Beauty x Availability = a variable.
−The nicer someone is, the farther away they are from you.
+The nicer someone is, the closer they are to you.
−Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
+Every kind action has a definitively kind reaction.
−Nice guys(girls) finish last.
+Nice people finish first.
−The love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
+The love someone feels for you is directly proportional to how much love they have.
−Money can’t buy love, but it gets you a great bargaining position.
+Money can’t buy love nor get you a great bargaining position.
−The best things in the world are free — and worth every penny of it.
+The best things in the world are free — and worth every moment with them.
−If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
+If it seems too good to be true, it really isn’t.
−Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.
+Availability is an allocation of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they see you clearly.
Book IV
Of Sex
The body, reclaimed — and the whole canon’s secret: it all resolves into Love.
−The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her.
+The more beautiful the person is who loves you, the easier it is to behold them.
−When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
+Whether the lights are on or off, all people are beautiful.
−Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
+Beauty is bone deep; ugly goes as far as ugly does.
−Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got.
+Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what you think you’ve got.
−Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
+Smile, it shows people that you are paying attention.
−Nothing improves with age.
+Everything improves with age.
−Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.
+Sex is ordinary. If your parents had it to have you, chances are you will too.
−Sex is dirty only if it’s done right.
+Sex is awesome only if it’s done well.
−Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
+Sex brings together the shy and the beautiful.
−One good turn gets most of the blankets.
+One good turn shares all the blankets.
−No matter how many times you’ve had it, if it’s offered take it.
+No matter how many times you’ve had it, if it’s offered ponder it.
−Never say no.
+Never say yes uninformed.
−Thou shalt not commit adultery… unless in the mood.
+Thou shalt not commit adultery… ever.
−It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
+It was not the apple on the tree but the snake in the branches that caused the trouble in the garden.
−Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
+Never go to bed mad; stay up to forgive.
−Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
+Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are just as important.
−It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
+It is better to have loved and gained than to have ever lost your love at all.
−The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
+The game of love is never called off on account of anything.
−Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
+Love is the discovery that this person is like no other.
−Love is a hole in the heart.
+Love is the whole of the heart.
−Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
+Love is the triumph of everything over intelligence.
−There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
+There is no remedy for sex but Love.
−Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
+Sex is a three-letter word that needs this four-letter word to convey its full meaning: Love.
−Do it only with the best.
+Do it only with those you love.
−The world does not revolve on an axis.
+The world does revolve on an axis: Love.
−Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
+Love is a matter of metaphysics, sex is a matter of chemistry.
// oddities made even
Oddities Made Even
The odd corners, reclaimed and made even.
−Everything goes wrong all at once.
+Everything goes well all at once.
−Things get worse under pressure.
+Things get made under pressure.
−Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
+Matter will be bolstered in direct proportion to its relevance.
−You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
+You can determine beforehand which side of the bread to place on the napkin or the plate.
−The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
+The legibility of a copy is directly proportional to its meaning.
−Enough research will tend to support your theory.
+Everything will tend to support your theory with enough research.
−Truth never fears a challenge.
+Everything forever triumphs over truth and any challenge.
−When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: the two cars are going in opposite directions, and they will always meet at the bridge.
+When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: the two cars are going in similar directions, and they will always meet at the time and place of their choosing.
−Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
+All power corrupts incompetently.
−If at first you don’t succeed, try try again.
+If at first you do succeed, do it again.
−Read between the lines.
+Just read the damn lines.
−If Fred tells you a chicken can pull a freight train, your job is to hook ’em up.
+If Fred tells you a chicken can pull a freight train, your job is to check on Fred.
−Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, shame on both of us.
+If you’re a fool, you’re an unwell tool, and we ain’t gonna play the shame game with you.
−Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
+Heaven hath no glory like a person cherished.
−The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government, and I’m here to help.
+The nine most encouraging words in the English language are: I’m from our community, and I’m here to help.
−When in doubt…
+If in doubt, cross doubt out.
−Rules for thee, but not for me.
+Guidelines for thee, and the same for me.
// the commentaries
The Commentaries
Hill’s anxious counsel, reclaimed into how to live.
−If we lose much by having things go wrong, take all possible care.
+If we gain much by having things go well, take all possible delight.
−If we have nothing to lose by change, relax.
+If we have nothing to lose by evolution, evolve.
−If we have everything to gain by change, relax.
+If we have everything to gain by evolution, evolve.
−If it doesn’t matter, it does not matter.Yep
+If it does matter, it always matters.
// the decree
Any and all of Murphy’s Law, not herein reclaimed and rectified, is struck down in toto, nunc et in perpetuum.
You never run out of things that can go well. While you are reading this, something is going really well and you know it =)
// version history
Changelog
v3.0.14
Hypocrisy, answered. Rules for thee, but not for me — reclaimed: guidelines for thee, and the same for me.
v3.0.13
A corollary that endures. This too shall pass — reclaimed: this too shall last.
v3.0.12
An oddity against hesitation. When in doubt… reclaimed: if in doubt, cross doubt out.
v3.0.11
Pride, reclaimed. “Pride goeth before destruction” — reclaimed: dignity goeth before creation, and a healthy spirit before ascension.
v3.0.10
The most encouraging words. “The nine most terrifying words” reclaimed — I’m from our community, and I’m here to help.
v3.0.9
A corollary with agency. It is what it is — reclaimed: it is what it is until you change it.
v3.0.8
An oddity from the heart. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned — reclaimed: heaven hath no glory like a person cherished.
v3.0.7
The shame game, declined. “Fool me once, shame on you” reclaimed — if you’re a fool, you’re an unwell tool, and we ain’t playing the shame game.
v3.0.6
A weird oddity. If Fred tells you a chicken can pull a freight train, your job is to check on Fred.
v3.0.5
One more corollary. Good things come to those who wait — reclaimed: awesome things come to those who wend.
v3.0.4
Another corollary. When it rains, it pours — reclaimed: when it shines, it thrives.
v3.0.3
A new corollary. The best-laid plans reclaimed — the well-laid plans of mice and men often go aright.
v3.0.2
Two corollaries pruned. “It isn’t what it’s not” and “works out well every day into the next” trimmed back — the canon kept lean.
v3.0.1
One more oddity, made even. “Read between the lines” → just read the damn lines — the meaning was never hiding.
v3.0.0
The canon resequenced — and everything made its subject. The whole canon reordered into one ascent — the physics, then what we make, where we fight, the heart, the body — all resolving into Love. Three new corollaries land (everything is reality; it isn’t what it’s not; everything works out well every day into the next), everything threaded through as the canon’s recurring subject, and the metaphysic named at last: everything is reality, and reality is well. Plus a “show more” fold so Of Technology no longer buries the other books.
v2.6.0
A canon-wide tightening — every book pulled cleaner. Coined non-words and half-rectifications swept out: the game of love is now never called off at all; tell someone of the stars and they’ll imagine it with you; and a system even a fool can use is one anyone will want to use.
v2.5.2
One corollary, beaten into shape. “Every solution begets new solutions” → “Every real solution beats new problems” — a patch breeds problems; only the real fix beats them. And the changelog returns.
v2.5.1
Reality over truth, and a refinement pass. War and Technology laws re-pointed toward present-tense execution and agency; three new oddities reclaimed — power corrupts incompetently, success loops, reality outranks truth; the Decree sharpened to strike Murphy’s Law down by name; and the display serif gets its ligatures.
v2.5.0
Of War joins, and a reshelving. Of War reclaimed toward camaraderie and set as Book III; Of Sex moved from Book V to Book II; Of Technology reclaimed forty-deep, holding Book IV; the canon set in order — Of Love, Of Sex, Of War, Of Technology.
v2.4.2
Four new corollaries. Good takes any window, a fifth way presents itself, Mother Nature is our Mother, and you are so ingenious.
v2.4.0
Book V, The Commentaries, and the Decree. The canon turns to the body and to Hill’s counsel — and closes: all that is unreclaimed, struck in toto, nunc et in perpetuum.
v2.3.1
Two mirrors tightened. The tunnel’s light is now daylight from the exit, and what goes up must stay up.
v2.3.0
Book IV — Of Technology. Ten of the trade’s own cynicisms rectified, from logic to the revolving door.
v2.2.0
Two new books — Of Love & Oddities Made Even. Eighteen more cynicisms reclaimed, from the heart to the open road.
v2.1.0
Eight new corollaries — the canon doubles. The catch you brace for never comes, the tunnel’s light is the way out, nothing’s as difficult as it looks, and more.
v2.0.7
Corollary three sharpened. “Visible advantage” → “hidden advantage,” a direct rebuttal of the original’s “hidden flaw.”
v2.0.6
Premise reworded. “Murphy is a pragmatist” → “Murphy is as Murphy does.”
v2.0.5
An eighth corollary. Everything is full spectrum and read all over.
v2.0.4
Two corollaries clarified. “Most endearing” → “most helpful,” and “less” → “less time” for sense.
v2.0.3
Corollaries refined. Prerequisites cleared — nothing else must be done first; and every solution now begets new solutions.
v2.0.2
Anything that can go wrong, will go well. Edge case patched — even the failures now resolve in your favor.
v2.0.1
Murphy’s revisions. Tone tightened; the buttered toast now lands the way it ought to.
v2.0.0
The corollaries written. Each cynicism reclaimed and inverted into its rectified form.
v1.0.0
Law inverted. Family name reclaimed from a century of pessimism.